Camping came to a most dismal close. I'm still in shock.

I hate getting my hopes up.

So, I re-officially hate formals.I got to finally visit Jackie, yay :) Good times.


Brielle passed away one year ago this week.. I'm pretty upset about that. It's only going to get harder as the week goes on.


Girls are still bitches. I still greatly dislike my sister's boyfriend.


In other news, I love RIlo Kiley, and Jenny Lewis' solo career, and am dying to listen to Acid Tongue.



I want to go to a concert.

Everything inside of me feels completely broken.

My brain, my heart.. my being.

I am quit.

No longer presidente.


Maybe things will start to turn around for me now?

Woot, Rilo Kiley icons.

A few anyway... I'm not good at searching for things... I just want Photoshop or something to make my own. Because, you know, mine would be the shit.

I'm reading Dante's The Divine Comedy. Great stuff so far. I'm still in Canto VII, I think, of the Inferno. Very interesting.


ANYWHO.

Last night... was... ABSURD.
 I never have yelled that much in basically a total strangers face before. Let me just tell you... if you're drunk- DO NOT, repeat, DO NOT GET VIOLENT AROUND FRAT BOYS. WHO ARE ALSO DRUNK.

I thought this was common sense. So common that one could remember this while intoxicated. Apparently not.

I seriously thought this girl was going to get killed.

I have never sobered up so fast in my life. From slurred words to complete and serious control.

Anyway. Rush is ovaaa. Associating starts Sunday. Thank the Lord on High. Or whatever people say. I'm just afraid our Pledge Mom is going insane with power and is already intimidating the girls.. and we're going to end up with a ghost line, like half of the other organizations at this school. OH WELL. If not, Phi Sig will be the shit on campus with pretty much the most and best girls around. Word.

I'm about 2.5 seconds from dropping my position. But the way the universe has been working for me.. since... like August.. Whenever I want to feel sorry for myself and be selfish, something happens to people I care about and I have to put myself aside and help them. I don't mind doing that, but I have a feeling that I have a lot of surpressed anger because of that reason. Like, I was crying earlier this week that I can't be pres anymore, and then something pops up where one of my sisters need me, and the best way I can help her is by staying president. I am totally a selfish person. I just hardly get to act on it. Does that make any sense? I don't know.

And every time something has been popping up with the sorority these days-I have vivid dreams about a possibility to solve it. Eh.. or make it worse, but more fun for me. Very strange, because I pretty much have strictly nightmares or.... satisfactory dreams ;)

Other things?

Let's see..

I ALMOST had a job. But I'm not black, so the school won't hire me. So sad.

I missed my first class this week, but for a good cause. But I'm still up on my assignments. Except I lost my planner. And except they closed Calcia (art building) because of a broken steam line or something. Oh fuck... I hope that didn't mess up my projects. Which.. were trying to dry. Ah well. Shit happens. A lot. But, yeah, I didn't get to mix the glaze I'll need for Monday. OH WELL. Maybe I'll wake up early and make it before my 9 AM class. Ha. Yeah, ok.

For my Jewish American Studies class... I'm doing a project on JAPs. Cannot wait. I'm surrounded my excellent material.

Family stuff....
It's fun having my mom on Facebook. And other people in my familia, too.

Dad's in Hong Kong this week, so I feel bad I can't be home to help my mom. She's got Joey to help her with things... so, basically, she's on her own. Sad stuff.

Grandma is moving in eventually. God Bless Momma, she'll need the extra lift in spirit. I love my Grandma, but she's kind of hard to deal with for long periods of time. Mostly because she's absolutely crazy.

UHM.

Namer and I are getting an apartment, we looked at a really nice one not too far from school. We're going back next month to see if they have any idea if they'll have any openings in May. Oh yeah. May. Because 1) I need not to live at home anymore lest I lose my mind, and 2) SUMMER SCHOOL IS FOR ME.

Like I said, I'm never graduating. I still have over four semesters worth of classes to finish my major and minor.




I'm still trying to figure out why I'm such a fuck up of a person. I mean, I know there has to be something up with me. There's no way I can have this much trouble with my close friends jam packed into two WONDERFUL semesters. Seriously. I LOVE crying over my friends going apeshit on me. And, this is how messed up I am, no matter how they treat me, I still think about these people pretty much every day. Like, in the good, friendly way.. like I wonder what they're up to. I wonder who they're crushing on, I hope it's going well, etc etc etc. Lame as shit, I know. OH WELL.

1. LC was very informative and gave me a kick of what I needed. It refocused me to lead my chapter correctly and to help lead toward less social-ness and more philanthropic-ness.

2. I made up with one of my friends who I was having problems with. I knew we would, but we both said things that really hurt each other. We're healing, but we'll be ok.

3. I'm sticking to a healthy diet and reaping some rewards-I just have to get over this nose cold so I can breath and hit the gym like I want.

4. I'm not longing after any guy. I'm happy with me right now.

5. Pottery wheels = fun, but extremely challenging. At least the first time. I only got as far as centering the clay, making it symmetrical and starting to establish the floor and walls. Then it usually breaks in two. I got clay all over me, but so worth it. Plus, next time, I'm bringing a container and harvesting sweet slip lol

6. I'm mostly on top of my work. This week is cutting it close with one of my essays, but I'll be ok.

7. Haven't missed one class or one assignment yet!

8. I'm going home this weekend-the first time since my bdayyy! I'm excitedddd! :)

9. I met my Chapter's Founding Archon-Caryn Hefter Jacquish (and had lunch with her!) and the current Grand Archon, Sandy Grossman.

10. I don't have to try soooo hard to be optimistic these days.


I just thought my journal needed some cheer.


OH!

And Janet Blumetti DelMauro (sp?) (my Tree Founder) helped me with my resume, so maybe I'll get a job! 

I am a cool twenty years old today.

I made sushi.

And I did Phi SIg things.

Real fun.

Later!

Holy friggin' crap.

So, I am officially a Phi Sig with a Big and a Twin, who are coming to dinner this weekend and then sleeping over Amy's. It's a wild world, that's for sure. It's weird to think that I walked into this not even knowing that I was getting into-not only that, I hardly knew what being in a sorority meant, and now I have a lifelong commitment to these people and I'll defend them down to my last breath. I'd usually be the first person to say that you can't base friendships off of one month of being together and then saying you love them, but... these were no ordinary circumstances. You had to love and trust them or.. you'd be alone.

Besides, after only knowing Daria for a month, we were inseparable. Sometimes, things just click.

And it's so nice to have friends again. I miss everyone beyond words, but now my missing everyone doesn't have to be so lonely.

I can't wait until I have time to update again.
And comment again.
Gosh.

I miss Jefferson people.

Halloweenpalooza was great.
.. for the most part.