Awkward conversation todayyy. Had to be done, though. And more to come. Oy vey.
Anyway, Natalie is a doll.

In other news...
How do these cracked out addicts find love and not me?
Intervention, man... opens my  eyes to all kinds of crazy.

Well... all I can say is that I wish I was on/around campus. I already miss my Jefferson friends (yes, I did just spend an entire week camping with them. I'm lame) and already feel left out of the fun with my MSU crowd.

Commuting is teh gay. And I didn't even start yet.

Despite all my wonderful plans for my future.. I can't help but feel myself slipping into a mild slump of life.

These plans?
1. Birthright Israel this winter (or next summer), whichever I'm accepted for, if I'm accepted
2. Studying abroad next spring-anywhere. Probably wherever Jackie decides, if she goes.
3. Plans to update my portfolio and do something artistic this summer
4. Actually get into the dammed BFA program
5. Lots of beach time
6. Lots of reading time
7. Lots of relaxing time

A job, however, not in the plans of yet. I'll tutor or babysit if it comes up, but I really have no desire to work for the corporate machine.


However, all these things makes me exceptionally lazy. I stopped doing pilates. Gained the weight I lost. And lost motivation to do anything to prepare the plans. Oy vey. There must be something wrong with me.


Anyway, it's really been a nice summer so far. Sarah's spent the night and lived through meeting my fam. Hopefully Namer will be stopping by for dinner tomorrow, that'll be fun. I still gotta get plans together to see some other people I'm missing terribly. I think I'll do that now.

So, I re-officially hate formals.I got to finally visit Jackie, yay :) Good times.


Brielle passed away one year ago this week.. I'm pretty upset about that. It's only going to get harder as the week goes on.


Girls are still bitches. I still greatly dislike my sister's boyfriend.


In other news, I love RIlo Kiley, and Jenny Lewis' solo career, and am dying to listen to Acid Tongue.



I want to go to a concert.

Everything inside of me feels completely broken.

My brain, my heart.. my being.

I miss high school.

A lot.

Woot, Rilo Kiley icons.

A few anyway... I'm not good at searching for things... I just want Photoshop or something to make my own. Because, you know, mine would be the shit.

I'm reading Dante's The Divine Comedy. Great stuff so far. I'm still in Canto VII, I think, of the Inferno. Very interesting.


ANYWHO.

Last night... was... ABSURD.
 I never have yelled that much in basically a total strangers face before. Let me just tell you... if you're drunk- DO NOT, repeat, DO NOT GET VIOLENT AROUND FRAT BOYS. WHO ARE ALSO DRUNK.

I thought this was common sense. So common that one could remember this while intoxicated. Apparently not.

I seriously thought this girl was going to get killed.

I have never sobered up so fast in my life. From slurred words to complete and serious control.

Anyway. Rush is ovaaa. Associating starts Sunday. Thank the Lord on High. Or whatever people say. I'm just afraid our Pledge Mom is going insane with power and is already intimidating the girls.. and we're going to end up with a ghost line, like half of the other organizations at this school. OH WELL. If not, Phi Sig will be the shit on campus with pretty much the most and best girls around. Word.

I'm about 2.5 seconds from dropping my position. But the way the universe has been working for me.. since... like August.. Whenever I want to feel sorry for myself and be selfish, something happens to people I care about and I have to put myself aside and help them. I don't mind doing that, but I have a feeling that I have a lot of surpressed anger because of that reason. Like, I was crying earlier this week that I can't be pres anymore, and then something pops up where one of my sisters need me, and the best way I can help her is by staying president. I am totally a selfish person. I just hardly get to act on it. Does that make any sense? I don't know.

And every time something has been popping up with the sorority these days-I have vivid dreams about a possibility to solve it. Eh.. or make it worse, but more fun for me. Very strange, because I pretty much have strictly nightmares or.... satisfactory dreams ;)

Other things?

Let's see..

I ALMOST had a job. But I'm not black, so the school won't hire me. So sad.

I missed my first class this week, but for a good cause. But I'm still up on my assignments. Except I lost my planner. And except they closed Calcia (art building) because of a broken steam line or something. Oh fuck... I hope that didn't mess up my projects. Which.. were trying to dry. Ah well. Shit happens. A lot. But, yeah, I didn't get to mix the glaze I'll need for Monday. OH WELL. Maybe I'll wake up early and make it before my 9 AM class. Ha. Yeah, ok.

For my Jewish American Studies class... I'm doing a project on JAPs. Cannot wait. I'm surrounded my excellent material.

Family stuff....
It's fun having my mom on Facebook. And other people in my familia, too.

Dad's in Hong Kong this week, so I feel bad I can't be home to help my mom. She's got Joey to help her with things... so, basically, she's on her own. Sad stuff.

Grandma is moving in eventually. God Bless Momma, she'll need the extra lift in spirit. I love my Grandma, but she's kind of hard to deal with for long periods of time. Mostly because she's absolutely crazy.

UHM.

Namer and I are getting an apartment, we looked at a really nice one not too far from school. We're going back next month to see if they have any idea if they'll have any openings in May. Oh yeah. May. Because 1) I need not to live at home anymore lest I lose my mind, and 2) SUMMER SCHOOL IS FOR ME.

Like I said, I'm never graduating. I still have over four semesters worth of classes to finish my major and minor.




I'm still trying to figure out why I'm such a fuck up of a person. I mean, I know there has to be something up with me. There's no way I can have this much trouble with my close friends jam packed into two WONDERFUL semesters. Seriously. I LOVE crying over my friends going apeshit on me. And, this is how messed up I am, no matter how they treat me, I still think about these people pretty much every day. Like, in the good, friendly way.. like I wonder what they're up to. I wonder who they're crushing on, I hope it's going well, etc etc etc. Lame as shit, I know. OH WELL.

So I have been home for break for an entire day! I am so excited, so far. I still have to straighten my room so it's possible to live in... like being able to see the floor-not be fire hazard.

AJ has been bugging the crap out of me, but that was to be expected. I don't know how little kids are able to be so annoying.. it truly is a gift. And Joey literally scares me now. He's so much stronger and taller than me... it's insane.

I've been spending the hours doing.. what else? Video games. Specifically.. Zelda: Twilight Princess for Wii. It freaks me out because of one-the graphics. They're so good.. and the monsters are so.. monsterous... yeah, I scream. And two, even though a lot of people get attached to their characters with Playstation or any other gaming system, it feels like you really are the character because it's Wii and he moves as you move. Mind Freak, fo sho.

I'll probably miss seeing people everyday, especially my Big and Little-since I pretty much spent some time of everyday with them. It's already been about a week since I've seen my Big and I'm having minor withdrawal.

I'm going down to New Brunswick tomorrow and I'm super stoked. It's been about.. I don't know.. since Halloween or so since I've seen Jackie-so that wil be so good. :)
-

I e-mailed one of the administrators from the School of Art at MSU last night.. and am desperately awaiting his response. Submitting my portfolio.. it can pretty much determine my future. I mean, I can always try again with other pieces I'm going to leave out in a few months, but still... Nobody wants to hear, no thanks. Because basically, you hear-you suck.

AAHHH!! I don't want to do it, and I know my e-mail was totally lame.
-

I really don't know how I did on my Finals.. or my classes in general. Should be scary.

And I really want Rosetta Stone for Spanish so I can actually pass next semester. Man, I really hate learning other languages. I don't care-I'll be "ignorant". I'm not meant to be bilingual. I'm lucky enough to have some grasp on English... let alone any other language.
-

I really gotta get a job. Ugh.